Growing old was a nightmare since I was a kid, questions like “Would I die when my skin gets twisted ” was a constant worry ,I used to hold conferences regarding the same in a small group of teddy bears when I was only six that triggered my parents to take me to the psychiatrist to overcome the morbid thoughts of aging process .Oh it did work, a graceful impact.
I can barely remember my days as an young,exuberant child parading the roads with my rogue friends late into the night.We were a classic band with healthy smiles and recurrent giggles.
It’s been a while since I went back in time ,pondering over the differences in my life, if I had chosen anything different, probably even ordering a pizza instead of an ice-cream would have altered my choices and time.The placebo effect that I had played on my kids remind me of my mother.I smile in the mirror, an old wrinkled lady smiled back at me, she resembled my paternal grandmother with grey hairs, slouching body and calloused elbows.
But the eyes were different, chocolate brown as my mother used to put it,I had often heard her say to my father that I was the apple of her eye , as a kid I wanted her to take me as the mango of her eye, mangoes were my Favorite.
A small tear emerges from the dry eyes with the reminiscence,I have come long way,I stared at the comforting mirror , my nose was a bit crooked as I had fallen face-to –floor an year ago,my son had panicked and had me wheeled into the hospital and had my surgery done.It was only then realization striked me hard about the body aging!
The hormones weren’t on my side like they faithfully used to,over time they had freaked out and hit my body with less appetite and a surge in weight.Doctors advised me to never quit dropping kilos.I started my regime with walking and other lame exercises .Getting back to normalcy with diabetes was a distant dream but definitely a possible one.
I wanted to age gracefully as my husband put it.He was in a distant place,I wondered if the grave would be warm enough, the wind was freezing cold, my remaining teeth chattered and my body shivered ,I was old, I had to remind myself and grabbed a blanket to wrap around myself, with slow and steady steps, I leaned to the open window, any images of lustrous hair dancing to the tunes of the musical wind was warded off, all that remains now is the grey bundle at the back of my head.Whoever told that this was graceful.
“Mom, what are you doing up late?” my son’s tenor voice zapped me from my graceful thoughts.
“You know oldage and stuff” I muttered on unintelligently
“Deprived of sleep?” he wrapped his arms around me,gently pacing me back to my bed.
“Do you want me to read you a story?” he asked with a shine in his eyes as he tucked me into my bed
“A lullaby would be nice” I suppressed a small giggle, afterall I felt young
“Sure” he sat beside me and tapped me to sleep, his tenor voice whispering the same old lullaby that I had sang to him and his sister!
I was aging gracefully or am I dying gracefully, my heart relaxed and I went into deep slumber, the cold was unbearable,it was time to join my husband in the warm grave!