I was better when I knew what and how exactly I would end a story, it’s been a few months into writing my first full-fledged novel and right now I’m hysterical.Right that moment when you know you have worked your asses off over a dream and you are almost there and you can’t go further, even if you make an attempt to reiterate the process of trying, it’s always the wrong steps that you take.Now that my story is unfolding in different dimensions and it needs lots of courage to put my thoughts into words, I shiver to go down that lane!Am I sounding hysterical,I might be,I grimace at my writing!
So about a month ago,I called up my friend saying that I have gone crazy over the characters that I have created and that the blogging and also content writing had worn me out.No new ideas not the sleepless nights filled with dreams with ideas attached ever came,I was disturbed with my work.
She in her calm yet authoritative tone calmed me but my fears couldn’t be satiated with just the calming words and hence she retaliated with this!
“Bru! YOU need a god-damn break,shut it out”
I smiled at her words, Yes I was screwed up and definitely needed a long break,so all this while I created a word tree, formulated a glossary diary and welcomed a few ideas in and of-course spent a huge chunk of time in watching sitcoms.That’s something that I ave always done when I’m tensed, exam fears were escaped through the virtual idiot box and I did run away from my problems again, didn’t face them either, tch tch what a cover!Now I’m all better but still my book has frozen at the 3/4th of the story and doesn’t budge to move forward.Perseverance might be a bad thing to practice while writing, rewriting, scratching and then rewriting.You go mad, trust me and none of all the scratching work out and doesn’t come out the way you want it, that is the time when one feels to quit!!
Lethargic that I may have been, the story never came back to me,I’m still fighting, still dreaming, still typing, still evaporating the ink from my pens when I forget to close in the middle of my ongoing thoughts.If you have ever tried to write a book and if you have gone through the exact moments that I have gone through , hi-five me coz it’s no easy thing.And my friends to whom I have been sending my drafts for a feedback have been constantly encouraging me and my work and that they would love to read how the story unfurls into an end and hope I do justice to my story-line.The draft isn’t yet ready, my manuscript still needs polishing,then the worthlessness resurfaces when nothing goes right.It is then when I’m helped out through proverbs,tucking me in it’s warmest sequence of words that I regain my peace. Divine interventions is what I would love to quote it as,because right one’s pop up at the right time on my screen.it goes something like this
“Work is not to make money,work is to justify life”
A sparkle and smile make their way into my existence, I have not actually sat down to write, sometimes, pen and paper works wonders but then many more times, it is the keyboard that holds me up, supports me in all my stupid en devours,and I’m glad despite my fall-backs, despite my taunting fear of failure, I still wade through this phase,a heartfelt thanks to my dearest friends, Aish, KAMB,Ash, DJ and of-course brij, that’s my brother who never reads my works but is the one who whips me back to work, there is actual drive apart from your own passion to make you write.
Motivation and inspiration wears off and then I’ll be all alone without thoughts, that’s not a good phase and hence I inhale a puff of air, they say doing meditation before going to sleep rejuvenates your nervous system and my brain cells right now needs a push, push to fly:)
Hope I can succeed kyonki darr ke age jeet hai!!
I love those words, forget the dumb visual of the ad!!
Until next post:)